I'm doing a social experiment. YouTube has graciously allowed me to monetize my videos and this is the first one I've uploaded so far. It's not stand-up or even a sketch, but rather an adorable clip of my son trying to convince me to give him cookies for breakfast. I'm going to put 100% of the proceeds from this video toward his college fund. All you have to do is watch it, then tell your friends to watch it. That's it. I'm not asking you to donate any money, just 1 minute and 46 seconds of your time. By watching the video and letting the ad pop up, you're contributing. If enough people watch this one video, he could have his college paid for and/or his therapy from having me as a father. Click on the ads if you like, but you don't have to. Then just share the link to the video with your friends and tell them what I'm trying to do. I'm really excited to see if this works. It's not like he's old enough to build an arcade out of cardboard. At just a couple of cents per view, it's going to take a lot of people seeing it. But if it does work, well that'd just be awesome. And I'll make sure Dean thanks you once he learns how to say more words than "cookie". Thanks all!
Here's the video:
Day 3 -June 15, 2012:
Weight: 262 lbs
Run: 0 minutes
Distance: 0 miles
Weather: Gorgeous and Sunny (72 degrees)
The calendar says “Rest” for today. Who am I to argue with it? I’m a little more sore than I was yesterday but overall feeling great. Waking up to see a 4 lb loss will always make me feel better. What does it say about how bad my diet was that I can lose 4 lbs in a day just from NOT eating certain foods? I don’t know how many documentaries about food I’ve seen, but it makes total sense that the more organic foods you can eat, the better. Less chemicals and unknown ingredients mean an easier time for your body to process them, not to mention that no one really knows the long term effects they may have.
Once in a while, even though I’m a comedian, I’ll have to get serious on here. Today is the first of those days. Although I’m not running today, it’s still a very important day. Today I’ll be playing in the 3rd Annual “Alex Jones Memorial Golf Outing”. Ironically, the purpose of the outing is to raise money for the Crohn’s & Colitis Foundation, the same charity that I’ll be running with for this half-marathon. Alex took his own life at the age of 17 a few years ago because of how depressed he’d become from the complications of Crohn’s disease. Once a happy kid who excelled in baseball and soccer and did very well in school, Alex was unable to participate in sports and had to miss many days of classes because of his symptoms. They tried every medication, every known strategy, and nothing worked. His family has become very involved with the CCFA and are some of the most dedicated and kind people I’ve met. It’s people like this that have really opened my eyes to what’s important.
On my dad’s side of the family, we’ve lost six people to cancer. Six. Including my dad. And that’s just from his immediate family (his parents, three siblings, and my father). One of my cousins and my sister-in-law are battling breast cancer right now. When you see those kind of numbers hit home, not a statistic in a pamphlet, you stop taking things for granted. For me personally, it’s been my health. Here I’m surrounded by people I love who’ve become stricken with these horrible diseases and I’m wasting a perfectly clean bill of health because I can’t stop eating candy and baked goods? It’s almost insulting to them for me to say, “Poor you” and then devour five tacos and a large Coke. (In fairness though, if you don’t enjoy cake or appreciate the genius behind turning a Dorito in a taco shell, we shouldn’t be friends.)
So I guess that even though I’m not running today, it’s a good day for reflection. I’ll be surrounded by a family that lost their son, but who decided to do whatever they could to make sure no one else has to go through it. What an example for others, huh?
This Sunday is my first Father’s Day and I’m sure I’ll be all over the place. Joyous for this amazingly perfect child we’ve been blessed with. Swearing I’ll do anything I can to make sure that no one ever wrongs him or hurts him. Missing my own father, my best friend and the best human being I’ve ever known. I’ll try to keep it together peeps, but no promises.
Well, I guess today’s not an off day after all. I need days like today that give me the time to help others, appreciate what I have, and maybe have a little dessert after the golf outing. Don’t judge me people, it’s for charity.
2nd Run -June 14, 2012:
Weight: 266 lbs
Run: 26.5 minutes
Distance: 2.02 miles
Weather: Gorgeous and Sunny (72 degrees)
Today was run number two. I was a little sore when I woke up so I thought for sure that my time was going to be a little worse than yesterday. I did the same route, but shaved off about 90 seconds. I’ll take it!
It’s so hard to not remind myself that I’m running while I’m running. If I could zone out for a while I think I wouldn’t hate it as much. So if anyone has any suggestions for doing that, please pass them on.
I remember that about halfway through my last training, when we were up to 6 miles for our long run that week, I was reflecting back on a time where one or two miles seemed like an eternity. I wish I was at that point again. If there’s one thing I learned from the last time, it’s that you can lose what you gain very quickly if you don’t stay on it. I also think that at some point during my last training, I learned how to run and that made it way easier. I can already tell a difference this time as my breathing needs work, but my shins don’t hurt like when I started the last time. Stretching after my run has been key as well. Now if I can just get this belly to disappear, I won’t have sore ribs from it bouncing all over the place when I run.
So send me some tips on how to not think about running when I’m running. Anyone?
Tomorrow is a rest day but I’ll try to post. Back at it Saturday on my first group run with the team.
As always, if you’d like to donate to the Crohn’s & Colitis Foundation and help me reach my goal, use the link below. It is 100% tax deductible. Thanks all!
It's 2:40am EST and I've just gotten back to bed after I was awoken by the sounds of my seven week old son's whimpers from across the room. After just under four ounces of formula, a few pats on the back to produce a belch reassuring me that he is indeed my son, and a quick diaper change, he has returned to the comfy confines of the swing that we purchased for him and the awful midi-files of lullabyes it plays that so easily put him to sleep, and equally as easy keep me up.
I took a gander at my email on my phone to see if there is anything I need to know before morning...or the next time those whimpers come calling. This quick glance yields a promising sign when I see the subject, "Twitter: Jason Whitlock has replied to one of your tweets." #stopthepresses
Let's do a quick catch-up. I'm a Jason Whitlock fan. I love his writing, though I don't always agree with him. His columns are a must read and he's a guy who "gets" twitter (@WhitlockJason). He has an excellent balance of humor, personal updates, and promoting his craft. I had mentioned him in a tweet a couple of days ago in response to him saying how he was a fan of Suzy Kolber (@SuzyNFL32), and he was bummed that she only followed him for a few minutes. I implied to him that I was a fan of his and he needed to follow me (@JoshSneed) before he could "unfollow" me and I could then know how he was feeling.
This little tweet of mine prompted one of my followers, Micheal Fearin (@FerretSoFly), to reach out to Jason with this tweet:
"It's a cool thing when the comedians I love follow the sports writers I love. Now reciprocate it @WhitlockJason, follow @JoshSneed!"
Well played Mr. SoFly. Or may I call you "Ferret"?
I thought to myself, "How cool is this? Someone is providing themselves as a reference to get Jason Whitlock to follow me." It was like Ferret was holding Middle-East Tweet Talks to bring two sides together, even though we're not fighting and Jason has never heard of me. To provide an update for this stalemate that no one but me knew existed, I tweeted the following before going to bed tonight:
"No love yet from @WhitlockJason. We'll keep you posted with any developments."
Here was Jason's reply:
"@JoshSneed what's the scoop? Not familar with your work but willing to get up to speed"
Now you (the reader) are caught up. Now you know why I'm up at night praying these awful lullabyes keep my son at bay and that the light from the screen and pitter-patter of the keys eminating from my laptop don't wake the wife next to me. I feel like Jerry Maguire who just had an epiphony and couldn't wait to start letting it out. Yes...this is not a memo...it's a mission statement.
So what is my mission statement? It's my open letter to Jason Whitlock and all celebrities on why they should follow me on twitter (@JoshSneed). I want him to be my Rod Tidwell and this is my promise to show him the money. #Quan
Getting him up to speed won't take long. My album "Unacceptable" will let him hear my stand-up. And I think he'd REALLY like the basketball video I was a part of:
But maybe he wants more background info first...
I'm 34. I'm not old, but I have been on the road full time for 10 years. I left a job at Procter & Gamble that I had gone to school my entire life to get so that I could pursue a dream of making people laugh. I have worked hard and sacrificed relationships along the way and now have a fantastic wife, dog, nice home, and a brand new baby boy.
Thanks to club owners, other comedians, my manager, the fine folks at Comedy Central, and even the haters...I've been able to cross off a lot of benchmarks that I set for myself when I started doing comedy, some before that.
Open Mic night? Check.
Do it again after having a horrible set? Check.
Host a show? Check.
Become a middle act? Check.
Quit my day job and live off of comedy? Check.
Get into the Montreal Comedy Festival? Check.
Get on TV? Check.
Get a Comedy Central special? Check.
Become a headliner in "A" rooms? Check.
Perform for 2 people up to 10,000 people? Check.
Release an album on Comedy Central Records? Check.
Favorite Snack Mix? Chex. #seewhatidid
It is with zero sarcasm that I tell you I'm grateful for everyone that follows me. On more than one occasion I've been the first person someone follows (and no it's not a bot), and in a way that's more flattering than if someone with a lot of fans decides to follow me. The only problem is that when the prior follows me, no one is listening to them say, "This guy is funny, you'd like him." I need people who have the ear of twitter turned in their direction to echo these sentiments. #reality
On a daily basis I read the tweets of Scott Van Pelt (@notthefakesvp), Michael Smith (@MrMichael_Smith), Alec Sulkin (@thesulk), and many more, and laugh out loud thinking, "I think they would like my comedy if they heard it." #delusionsofgrandeur
I try to obey the unwritten Twitter laws whenever possible.
1) Provide worthwhile content as much as you provide plugs for yourself.
2) Show creativity in your use of 140 characters. Don't use multiple tweets for the same thought. That's cheating.
3) Respond to those who praise you, and retweet (RT) those that deserve it whether they need your help or not. #Amen
Don't get me wrong, I have some followers I'm proud of. Michelle Beadle (@ESPN_Michelle) follows me. I'm pretty sure she doesn't realize it and I know it's only because my t-shirt company put out a Ben Roethlisberger shirt that said "Nose means nose" when his got broken...but she hasn't clicked "Unfollow" yet. #operativewordisyet
Ok celebrities, here's the list of why you should follow me:
1) I'm funny. I've paid my dues and I stand behind my body of work. I'm proud of my stand-up, my credits, my YouTube videos, my blogs, and my tweets. If you would like to hear my stand-up, I'll send you a CD or iTunes link and you can decide for yourself if I'm your cup of tea or not.
2) I own a t-shirt company. If you like getting schwag, check out LookAtMeShirts.com (@lookatmeshirts) and I'll send you some. Celebs love the free stuff, and here you go.
3) I need the help. I have a kid now and priorities have changed. I want to spend more time with him and my wife and that would be easier if I was more famous. I don't need a ton of money, just enough that I don't have to be gone all of the time. So help me reach the masses when I post something you think is worthy of a RT.
Isn't this great? I could be like your little third world sponsored child. But instead, just keep that money that could buy your daily coffee and share me with your fans. You'll periodically receive updates and watch my followers list grow and know that your kindness really is making a difference right here in the US of A. Think of my tweets as homeless kids for which you're providing food and shelter. #heartstrings
I need to wrap up because "Hush Little Baby" is about to wrap up and I'm going to be needed soon. I hope you've enjoyed this pitch, or at least parts of it. I hope you've decided to give me a chance to win your twitter love. If you have, great. If you're in it for the free t-shirts, I understand the quid pro quo side of the business.
So here's your link #again to follow me: http://twitter.com/JoshSneed
Thank you to Jason Whitlock for the inspiration to sit down and write this. If you're the only follower I get out of it, then it was worth it. And even if that's not the case either, it's been a nice reminder that there are those out there who like what I do and want to see more of it. I hope I never lose sight of that. It's something I can tell my son about the next time he wakes up. But then again...who's he gonna tell? #squareone